Break ups are never easy, even if you were the one doing the breaking up it’s hard to let go of that ‘I don’t want him but I don’t want anyone else to have him’ mindset that our scatty female brains switch into and with the whole world and it’s mum on social networking sites it feels like you and your shitty love life are firmly in the spotlight when it all goes tits up. If you and your ex-beau were ‘Facebook official’ there’s an option to switch back to ‘single’ without it appearing on your newsfeed for the whole world to see which will keep the creeps and bitches at bay. A key part of the healing process is privacy, those who genuinely give a shit will know what you’re going through and be there to offer support, that weird guy from the gym or Sandra from accounts doesn’t need to know you’ve just had your heart ripped out of your chest and are a bit of a wreck. Broken hearts don’t mend easily, but I’ve been there, done that and got the restraining order (I joke, I joke) but these steps will help you back to your awesome self in no time.
1 – Take him off the pedestal you put him on. This was one of the most memorable pieces of advice I was given after breaking up with my last boyfriend who I thought was the most amazing thing ever to grace this earth. 2 years down the line I can see he’s just your average dude but back then I thought the sun shone straight out of his butthole and I thought I would never meet anyone else that could compare to him. I did. Eventually. This is quite a hard thing to put into practice and the only thing that helps is time (and meeting other dudes who have awesome attributes).
2 – Don’t stalk him on social media. If the break up was bad you’ve probably blocked each other anyone but one of the worst things you can do is follow his every move through his internet persona, which we all know is bullshit. The internet you is completely different from the real you, he’s no different but in your mind all you’ll see is him having the time of his life whilst you’re weeping into your spinach smoothie like a big, fat, hairy loser. Men seem to be better at moving on than us women, and seeing him out partying with his arms around another woman will be like having your heart wrenched out and broken up into a thousand tiny pieces. Again. Also, don’t write any ‘woe is me’ status updates or post sad quote pictures – no one cares and you’ll just look like a bellend.
3 – Cry. Cry like a motherfucker. Don’t be ashamed of calling in on a friend just to get everything off your chest and have a good cry, they’ll be glad they can be there for you and it’s fun listening to someone else slag him off and point out just how much of a prick he is. A good cry can be cleansing for the mind and I’m a firm believer in that most problems don’t feel so bad after a good cry and an early night, everything always seems better in the morning with a clear head.
4 – Change something about your appearance. A new haircut, style of makeup, pedicure or piercing can be a really good pick me up when you’re feeling low and will make you feel a hell of a lot better about yourself and try to keep on top of essential grooming such as shaving your legs and shaping your brows. Try and be pretty every day, like a 2.0 version of yourself because not only will it make you feel better, you’ll be showing the world you’re not falling apart and you never know just who you might bump into…
5 – Hit the gym and enrol in a few classes you haven’t tried before. Kick some ass in the boxing ring or give your deadbeat vagina a new lease of life in a spin class. You’ll meet new people, learn new skills and tone up bits of your body that haven’t had a look in before. It won’t be long before you have to get naked in front of someone that hasn’t seen your gunt yet and you want it looking its best, don’t you?
6 – Say yes to every social invite even though every fibre of your being is telling the whole world to fuck off so you can hide under your duvet. Even if it’s not something you’re really that interested in, just go because moping around at home won’t do you any good. Being burnt out from doing too much is much better than being burnt out from sitting at home crying into one of your dimly lit meals for one.
7 – Do something that scares you. A break up can cause a sort of emotionally numb feeling which can make you fearless and carefree and it’s now you need to use this new found love of giving zero fucks to do something you’ve always wanted, but been too scared to. Always wanted to ride a motorbike, do a Tough Mudder run or jump out of a plane? Now’s the time because after all, what doesn’t challenge you doesn’t change you. A new challenge will also give you something to focus on, talk about and you’ll probably meet a whole bunch of awesome new people. You strong woman you.
8 – Throw out everything that reminds you of him, or if there are some things you can’t bear to part with or you know you’ll regret parting with later on, stick them up in the loft or store them at a friends house. Out of sight out of mind. If you are in possession of anything that’s his, arrange something with a mutual friend to get it all back to him ASAP and however tempting is would be to destroy his belongings… Don’t.
9 – Unless you really have to, avoid contact with him. Whilst you’re hurting, the last thing you need is the ‘let’s be friends’ bullshit which might be something you can explore down the line (if you have mutual friends, for example) but right now you don’t need to know how he is or how his day has been.
10 – Go on holiday. Travel is the only thing that you can spend money on that will make you richer and a trip to a faraway land is the closest thing you’ll get to a break from life when your world has been turned upside down. You’ll meet new, amazing people, discover places you didn’t know existed and find something in yourself you didn’t know was there.
Keep calm, carry on and keep it off Facebook.